Kathy Appreciates Her Staff

I feel pretty lucky to work at Kathy. The hours are great, the staff is friendly and it pays enough to support my online shopping addiction. Sometimes we get perks that throw it over the top. Last week, an Evite landed in my inbox from Miss Kathy and it read like a dream that could only live in my mind -- Kathy was going to spoil us on Friday with a party for Employee Appreciation Day! But even better -- there would be tacos. Delicious, authentic taco truck tacos. There’s nothing I love more than a real taco. Well, maybe a Taco Bell Doritos Loco Taco.

Now, last week out of nowhere a nasty cold hit me real hard. I had the sniffles, I had a tickle in my throat, and I had a fever that wouldn’t quit. Was it viral sabotage? I was forced to miss work on Thursday, which means I missed my one (maybe only!) opportunity to meet Carmen Electra. I might have missed Carmen’s taco, but I’d rather die than miss Kathy’s.

I think the divine Lord intervened on Thursday night, waving his magic wand and fanning a cool breeze towards my fever. I felt better! But I woke up Friday morning struck with a new illness! I had taco fever.

Would there be corn tortillas? Flour? Carnitas? Barbacoa? Perhaps a lovely fried fish? WOULD THERE BE A SALSA BAR LIKE AT BAJA FRESH?! Would they put that cabbage slaw on top with a tart crema? Would there be a nacho cheese fountain? Who knows! The possibilities were endless.I got through Friday at work by daydreaming and arrived home to get ready for the taco party. Now, do you dress up or down for tacos? Is a flamenco dress with a rose in my hair too much? Do I go full chola with winged eyeliner, a red bandana, and a concealed weapon? Would red lipstick work with the inevitable mix of Cholula and meat juice dripping down my face? I left the house looking like a mix between the Chiquita banana lady and Carmen Sandiego.

Now, my mama always said you don’t show up to a party empty handed, so I fried up a batch of churro donut holes. I showed up to Kathy Griffin’s house with my holes and a smile. I smelled like a frycook. She took the box and didn’t judge me for my odor, and for that, I love her.

Finally, Ms. Griffin yelled the most beautiful words I’ve ever heard, “The tacos are ready!” The Kathy staff created a stampede towards the taco cart. I’m pretty sure I heard someone screaming Spanish curse words and a couple ‘bows were thrown. There was no need to fight. Everyone got tacos!

And these tacos were all I wanted and more. There were many options of meats and salsas and lovely grilled vegetables. And they used corn tortillas and that’s my favorite. They even had roasted jalapenos. Are you kidding me? I ate one of them because I heard it would be good for my cold and it was really good at helping my nose leak profusely. They didn’t give you a taco limit and some people exploited it. I think Kathy’s boyfriend Randy had 11. (He’s always bragging about having a very high metabolism.) It was such a lovely evening and it was very generous for Kathy to throw this party for us. We’re lucky to have such a nice boss and just to say “thank you” wouldn’t be enough. I think I can speak for everyone in saying the taco party was a night we’ll never forget. I don’t know what else to say except we also love pizza parties and I prefer a thick crust.

P.S. I’d like to clarify that I am a staunch supporter of Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign towards healthy eating, portion control, and exercise. I just can’t resist good Mexican. And you shouldn’t either.