Wigs and Hers

The time has come. After setting multiple alarms, doing some dry runs, scheduling a wake up call, I was finally prepared to see Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann become husband and wife. 

It's been a short and storied road to the big day. There were dogs in wigs, men in heels evalutating porta-potties, wigless heads, and major drama between Kim and her mother. But hopefully Colin Cowie straightened his suit and was ready to create a day not just worth of Oprah, but worthy of the wig herself.

We pick up hours before Kim walks down the aisle, and things are no less hectic for Kim. While she's trying to prep her hair and makeup, Karen's panicking because her shoes have gone missing. Rather than resolve the issue on her own, she's got Kim on the hunt for the lost shoes. Something tells me digging through her closet is not what Kim envisioned herself doing right before her wedding.

Thankfully the shoe debacle is solved, and Kim can get back to prepping herself -- by brushing her teeth in full drag. Seriously? I know she was worried about her kickin' breath, but maybe she could have just popped a breath strip. I was terrified toothpaste was going to get every where!

After getting her mouth in check (and leaving Kroy an adorable voice message), it's finally the big moment. The A-list guests have arrived (Perez Hilton, Patti Stanger, Psychic Rose in a fur!) and the helicopters are circling (how cute was Kim taking some joy in that -- can't blame you sweetheart). I think I start crying about the same time Kroy did, and it looked like so did the rest of the house, particularly when Kroy whipped out a few extra rings. Nope, this wasn't an episode of Sister Wives. Instead it was a charming dedication to the younger Zolciaks, and probably the moment that sent me most over the edge on the tear meter.

But just when you thought it was safe to do the chicken dance, Karen strikes again. And this time she's packing heat. Evidently Karen's not a fan of the fancy porta-potties, so she insists that she and her sister be allowed into the house. This of course breaks Kim's rules, and the bouncers swarm around her prompting Karen to threaten to burn down the house. Yikes! (Doesn't that seem a little counter intuitive?) Luckily before any arson is committed, Kroy steps in and explains to Karen that not even his family can go inside the house.

This doesn't go well, as you might imagine, and Kim's mom is eventually ejected. It's sort of bittersweet seeing the cake cut sans parent, but after some tunes from Kandi -- and finally the jumpsuit reveal -- Kim and Kroy can just enjoy each other's company. And so they trot up into the house to start their lives together.

Thanks for watching Tardy-fans. May your own love lives be as filled with wigs and joy as Mrs. Biermanns.