Jimmy Big Balls
Episode 1: Bravotv.com's Associate Editor heralds the return of Bethenny with "loofers," Shrek ears, and pretend cellphones.
Hello Bethenny fans! The Frankel has finally returned. And she's still the hilarious, vaguely inappropriate delight we've always loved. Let's pick our favorite moments from this episode, shall we?
Celebrity 101
We begin with a shindig for the launch of SkinnyGirl sangria, and as if the basketball team worth of women that now constantly surrounds B wasn't enough, there were loads of amazing guests. Hoda! Hoda, the wine-swilling superhero and Kathie Lee counterpart, Hoda! Can we just talk for uno momento about the fact that Bethenny found Hoda love? I don't normally take teenage girls trying to sell me on an older gentleman at their word, so it's good that B was more open to the idea. If not Lady Kotb would still be enduring the single lady slings from KL.
Also at the party; Nick the Foodie! God bless his little awkward soul. He's there drinking perhaps too much sangria, setting up sex jokes for B to make, and generally being adorable. As it turns out B will be giving him a bit of a makeover next week, so look forward to that.
But my favorite part of this shindig was B admitting that she broke all of celebrity rules. That's why we love you honey. Never let society take away your right to eat in public. You do you, girl!
A Huge Loofer
I think a lot about the fantasy dinner parties I'd like to have (as I think many of you might). If you could create the perfect guest combination, you are guaranteed a rollicking good time no matter if you're serving an elaborate meal or just tater tots (those are always a component of my imaginary perfect dinner party). But what this episode convinced me of is that there is also such a thing as a perfect lunch date -- and it's one where Lisa Lampanelli and B talk about balls.
I know Jackie might think that picking up "Jimmy Big Balls" business and working to find just the perfect angle of his Secrtarait-sized balls might be a little out of her usual job description, but hey, some days the job has perks.
Looks Like My Closet Made It After All
After several stressful phone calls (some real, some on imaginary children's phones), Bethenny and Jason finally get the keys to their brand new apartment. The apartment is pretty ridonkulous, and thank god, this will prevent Jackie and Co. from crawling through a tunnel to get to places. (She should really stop doing that. I love Cookie and all, but he is not to be trusted).
While the apartment is almost perfect, the closet still leaves a little something to be desired. Bethenny wants a closet that says "Momma has arrived," and this closet just sort of says, "We'll I've been here and it's fine." What does it take to turn it all the way over? I'm going to venture to say some sort of Ziploc bag rack, so that B can have her underwear and swimsuits at her fingertips. Personally, when I think of a closet saying that I've arrived, it's the closet from Clueless, so here's hoping B can get something like that together.
Of course all that space brings up the question of whether a Bryn 2.0 will be running amok in the apartment anytime soon. It seems like that's a question of how many clams Jason can get Bethenny to consume while they discuss excessive sex schedules. In other words, stay tuned.
What else did you adore this episode? Did you agree with the driver Dwayne that Bethenny's shoes where hot? Do you think churches have better store hours than Macy's? Leave your thoughts in the comments!
