When the episode began the RHOC ladies were having a global-anti-Gretchen summit. And so the vibe for Gretchen and Slade's intro into Vicki's Winter Wonderland was icy (har har) to say the least. Thusly it didn't take long for people to splinter off and start having their tiffs. The first: Heather asking Gretchen what was up with her inability to support Heather's acting career and the word on everyone's lips: 'Malibu Country.' After a couple of non-apologies the ladies just gave up, and saved this further drama for reunions yet to come. Just for reference, Gretchen doesn't want to be an actress or she does and it's Heater's fault she's not -- you decide.
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Leave it to Vicki to fully solidify her make-up with Tamra with a friendship bracelet. In Orange County if you like it then you should have put a bracelet on it (wuh uh oh uh uh oh oh uh oh uh uh oh). And it needs to be blingy. But as Tamra says, she's ready for the trend 2.0. Where are the friendship shoes? The friendship Bentleys? The friendship miniature adorable claymation seals?
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What happened next was the most amazing and splendid things my eyes have ever seen. Tamra's apology tour continued and she apologized to -- JIM BELLINO. Jim Bellino has 15 adult years on Alexis and great advice. And perhaps because of the adult years Tamra has gained, she apologizes to Jim Bellino because if Alexis loves him (who she now loves) he must not be so bad! WHAT IS THIS WORLD WE LIVE IN NOW?!? Tamra and Jim Bellino making up is like us suddenly being super cool with North Korea. I feel like the entire world is open to us now that they have mended fences. We as a people can do anything. Jim and Tamra are fine. There are no more boundaries upon the world.
However, as cool as Jim Bellino is with Tamra he is not cool with you wiping your tears on his $1000 scarf. The tears of Jim Bellino dry on their own before you wipe them on a fine piece of fabric like that.
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If you had consulted a random fight generator before this episode, you could not have come up with a more bizarre confrontational pairing than Lydia's mom Judy and Briana's husband Ryan. You didn't see how Judy's feet were precariously perched on the couch, but you heard the altercation and it was none too easy to hear. After some smoothing over by Vicki, Lydia stayed (perhaps because Tamra offered her a doobie) and Ryan moved his party upstairs
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In the aftermath of the Ryan/Judy kerfuffle Vicki sat down with Briana to discuss taking back her home. Vicki's going to make herself happy. She's going to date Brooks whether Briana likes it or not. While this might not be a decision everyone agrees with, you must give Vicki kudos for getting her groove back. You go Stella. YOLO or YODBIT (You Only Date Brooks Infinite Times).
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In further insane people being friends now news. Heather invited Alexis to go on a playdate. Heather wants Alexis to breathe first before she gets too excited. She's not Blake Lively and this is no traveling pants. Breathe before you show up to the house.
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The next person in line to discuss their problems with Gretchen was Tamra. Tamra wants Gretchen to take her approach and just get over everything immediately. But Gretchen thinks Tamra is talking both sides of the fence. Then the fight boils down to (what else) 'Malibu Country.' It's amazing watching the ladies say "100 percent" honest to each other and then "Lies, lies, lies" in their interviews. Make that another unsolved tete-a-tete with Gretchen this evening.
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Slade is an inspiration. . . but not for anything good. At the party, Vicki persents Slade with his own bottle of her Miss Piggy-inspired Vicki bacon vodka. This gift does not go over well. Who cares if Vicki is a woman, or if there is a different between talking about someone as a parent or talking about if someone can support a child. Watch your tongue when you are talking about women. Watch your tongue and just put vodka on it instead.
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Last year Tamra coined the term "Jesus Jugs" for Alexis. This year she bestows the moniker "Sugar T--s" to Lydia's mother Judy. I'm glad we're making this an annual thing. Then Slade called Terry "Sugar Nipples." Who knew that boobs were so sweet? (Most people?)
So the season ends with everyone against Slade (minus Gretchen). This sets us up for a very friendly reunion, right? At least we can drown our stresses in Vicki's Bacon Vodka.
