Melissa's shoveling lends itself to many interpretations. Is she finally burying the hatchet with Teresa or is she digging up dirt about her? Jacqueline's presence leads us to believe it's the latter, since this is the only shot where two ladies are featured at once and Jacqueline seems to be looking on in an encouraging way.
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It's unclear why Jaqueline needs to punch that sapling into the ground. Is she showing it tough love? Because that can only mean one thing -- Ashlee's return! Then again this is New Jersey, so she may just be practicing her fist pumping.
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We're thinking that's definitely Kathy's Red Velvet Vodka coming out of the watering can. And if that's the case, is her business beginning to bloom at a rapid (too rapid?) rate? We also couldn't help but wonder if she rode her bike there given the whole nature theme.
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First and most importantly, who thought it was a good idea to put these women together and give them a GIANT KNIFE? Seriously, did no one else watch the reunion? The question we're all wondering: what does the J stand for? Is it Jacqueline? Teresa's Joe? Joe Gorga? We've never been so frustrated by the fact that three different people on the show have J names. And then notice all the cracks in the bark that make up the heart. Teresa's got fractured relationships with all three of these people, so that doesn't help narrow it down. Also note how the letters are pointing away from each other. Perhaps they're drifting apart, but love is keeping them together.
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Why is the tree holding back family? Here's our conspiracy theory: the tree represents paper, which represents magazines, which represents tabloids, which hearkens back to the whole Teresa tabloid debacle of last season. Will this issue play a role in the new season?
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Is Caroline serving Abby Lee Miller realness because she's starting a dance school? More likely her book tour is just taking her to Pittsburgh if we had to guess. Why is Caroline throwing the tree so much shade? Does it represent Teresa's cookbook? Or is she really opposed to defacing trees? We think it's a safe bet to assume she's got some strong opinions about what Teresa's doing this season.
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This one is easy -- clearly the sixth Housewife is this tree. We'll even go ahead and throw out some possible taglines: I'm all bark...literally, just a tree here.
My bark is worse than my bark.
My roots are NEVER showing. Side Note: Why was no one startled by the lightning that struck DIRECTLY BEHIND THEM?
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And in case you were wondering, the song that's playing is called "Bad Things" by Meiko (pictured here).
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Rejoice! The Real Housewives of New Jersey are back, and our first look at the new season is a mysterious promo called "Family is a Force of Nature." Watch it here and then click through for our in depth dissection of what it all means.
