Destiney on 'Dancing with the Stars'
"Fake tans, eight packs, rhinestones -- win win!"

Emerson on 'Dancing with the Stars'
"Fake tans, eight packs, rhinestones -- win win!"

Blake on Kelley from 'Below Deck'
"I feel like I can smell his hangover breath through the TV."

Emerson on 'American Horror Story'"So the problem doesn’t seem to be that they’re all freaks, but that they’re all murderers."

Emerson on 'American Horror Story'
"So the problem doesn’t seem to be that they’re all freaks, but that they’re all murderers."

The Egbers on 'Below Deck's Crew
Andrew: "She just checked out his behind!"
Julie: "I'd do the same thing."

The Egbers on 'Dance Moms'
Andrew: "It’s starting, it’s starting, it’s starting!"
Jack: "You’re way too excited to be watching Dance Moms."
Andrew: "There’s not that many people who make me feel thinner watching TV. She’s one of them."
Julie: “Why does she have such anger issues?"
Jack:“Here we go. . .”
Sam: “She doesn’t have any sex.”

Kenya on 'Constantine'
"I really wouldn’t want his job. Being an exorcist, fighting demons? They ain’t going out easy!"

Amanda and Kenya on 'America's Funniest Home Videos'

Kenya: "My favorite is the babies and the animals."

Amanda: "I think mine is dads getting hit in the balls."

Teddi on 'Below Deck'

"See when I get old and have to go to a nursing home, I’m going to a cruise ship because I have a hairdresser, I get all my meals, and if I die they’ve got a frozen food locker to put me in."

Brandy on 'Wahlburgers'

"Donnie got all anorexic for 'The Sixth Sense' and then like Matthew McConaughey, he never got hot again."

Lamont on 'The Walking Dead'

"They’re freeing these people like Moses."

Teddi and Ayn on 'The Affair'

Ayn: "They're showing his butt!"

Teddi: "It's Showtime!"

Ayn (on men): "They think with their dick. That’s the problem."

Teddi, Ayn and Sue on 'My Cat From Hell'

Teddi: "It was something my son brought home from the vet. And then he brought home a lion."

Ayn: "A lion?!"

Sue: "You're lyin'."

Emerson and Scott on 'Grimm'

Scott on "woge-ing": "He goped?"

Emerson: "I dunno, I heard vogued."

Emerson: "I don’t think Hallmark has any cards for 'I’m sorry I slept with a demon that looks just like you.'"

Julie on 'Botched'

"He looks like he would like to wear Justin Bieber’s skin as a face."

Emerson on 'Botched'

"You can smell the delusion from here"

Amanda and Kenya on 'The Real Apes of the Planet'
Amanda: "I have an ape video."
Kenya: "You have an ape video?"
Amanda: "Yeah, they’re doing it. They’re having an orgy."
Kenya: "Oh, stop it Amanda, I don’t believe you."
Amanda: "I'm dead serious."
Kenya: "Well you know what? They say monkeys are freaky."

Cathy and Destiney on 'The Blacklist'
Destiney: "I wonder how Red smells. Do you think he’s all cologne’d up?"
Cathy: "Oh my god, why don’t we just call him up and ask him?"
Destiney: "He probably smells like Yves Saint Laurent, that new man cologne. Oh, yeah."

Teddi and Ayn on 'The Real Apes of the Planet'
Teddi: "Does that look like you?"
Ayn: "In the morning, yes, before my makeup."

Sam on 'Vanderpump Rules'
"I thought this was about a restaurant?. . .Lisa Vanderpump is a fool for hiring any of these people.

The Egbers on 'The Biggest Loser'
Sam: "Is the winner called 'The Biggest Loser'?"
Andrew: "Yeah, it’s like the most fantastic title of a show ever. The Biggest "Loser", the loser in weight."
Sam: "Ohhh my god! I finally get it!"
Andrew: "You’re just now getting it?"

The Zenos on James Spader in 'The Blacklist'
Princella: "Okay, so he smart like Hannibal Lector? Like, this like 'Silence of the Lambs' or somethin’? He don’t eat people right?"
Rashawn: "No!"

Princella on 'Face-off'
"If we was on Titanic, we woulda all lived because I’d of been in them people’s rooms, taking them women’s wigs and shaving off ya'll mustaches and ya'll would be some ugly women getting in the boat with me."

Brandy on 'Skyscraper Live with Nik Wallenda'
"God if my dad was in my ear. . .Like, please! Let me live my life!"

Emerson on 'Gotham'
"Jada Pinkett Smith is serving so much drag queen realness, it is amazing."

Brandy on 'Ellen'
"She's not dancing! Do you think she made an announcement like, 'I'm done dancing'?"

Glammas on Matthew McConaughey
Sue: "He’s not that good-looking."
Ayn: "I think he’s adorable."
Sue: "You can have him."
Ayn: "Thank you, when will he arrive?"
Sue: "Tomorrow morning."

The Zenos on Matthew McConaughey
Lamont: "I heard they didn’t use green screen for the 'Interstellar' movie."
Princella: "What, they was in space for real?"

The Egbers on 'Euros of Hollywood'
Andrew: "The bodyguard kept her away from Bleonia?"
Jack: "You’re combining her name and the country she’s from!"

Brandy on 'Revenge'
"No one works, they have nothing but free time to go on these missions of revenge and vengeance."

The Resnick's on 'Revenge'
Joe: "I don’t know about 'Revenge'. . ."
Rachel: "Dad, we know."
Joe: "I’m sorry, I’ve had three daughters, I’ve had enough drama."

Kenya on Steven Tyler's stint on 'Hell's Kitchen'
"I just wanna do something to his hair. It throws me every time I see it. It’s like, do something! 'Cause he just looks like a mop right now."

The Zeno's on 'Jane the Virgin'
Rashawn: "She don’t look like the virgin-type."
Princella: "What do a virgin look like? Glasses and nerdy or somethin’?"
Rashawn: "Yeah!"
Princella: "Well, where are your glasses at?"

Cathy and Destiney on 'Shark Tank'
Destiney: "Wait people actually need a cookie safe? Is this what's happening in our world right now?"
Cathy: "No, it keeps the pressure in there so it doesn't --"
Destiney: "No! It’s a safe bitch! It's a f---ing safe!"

Teddi, Ayn and Sue on the Hollywood Film Awards
Ayn: "He just said the f-bomb."
Sue: "I've been there."
Teddi: "We do love foreign actors, don't we? They win all the awards. We don't have enough here, we have to import them from Australia,and England. . ."
Sue: "'Cause we need all of the ones here to be waiters and waitresses."
Teddi: "Exactly."

Teddi and Sue on 'Snooki and JWow'
Sue: "Are these 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey'?"
Teddi: "I have no idea."