Vawn Has Grown and Changed

Vawn's Final Thoughts. . .

I'm happy to have made it this far, but I'm sad to know that it's over so quickly! There are so many people to thank, but I want to start by thanking God for giving me the power to believe in my passion and pursue my dreams. I would also like to thank Eastern TV, Mona Scott Young, Bravo, and everyone who worked on the show. Without you giving me this opportunity, none of this would be possible. So thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Now on to the final episode!

I was really upset about Tribble's actions at my town hall meeting. What he did was very disrespectful. He interrupted the meeting more than once, grabbed a microphone, and said things that were inappropriate -- and then put his hands on me more than once. It was not even his event, and it was not his place to behave in that manner. For myself, I could have handled the situation differently. I'm growing everyday. But I did give Tribble several passes. I tried to be the bigger man, but he pushed me to the point of no return.

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After watching this episode, I'm still upset at myself for my actions. To see Tribble and Emily say they don't understand why I was upset was crazy to me! Deep down inside Tribble knew he was wrong, and Emily knew he was wrong too.

When I got to the Lipstick Junkies rehearsal, Tribble texted Africa saying he wanted to talk to me. I didn't know what to do. I was having an inner battle, but I accepted the offer. I didn’t know what to expect from myself.

Walking outside and seeing Tribble, my feelings were inflamed once again. As he talked, I listened. I was a man of very few words. I was ready to react -- good or bad. The grown man in me started to come out, and I began to think about my son; I thought about myself, and how many mistakes I had made. As he continued to talk, he disarmed me because I felt that he was truly sincere. I'm glad that I decided to take the high road. The old me would not have listened and only reacted with my pride. I thank God for my growth, and I thank Tribble for being honest about his actions, and apologizing to me. I don’t know if we could ever be cool at this point, but we can definitely be cordial.

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I visited Alex as she took a break from studying. I was surprised that she called me, but I took the opportunity to show her my appreciation for checking on me after the fight. When she and Africa fought, I didn't check on her, so what she did meant something to me and I just wanted to let her know.

On to Africa's show. . .

I was excited for Africa and glad to be a part of the show. I couldn't wait to hear the song the Jazzy, Gasner, and myself wrote for the Lipstick Junkies performance. It was great! They sounded great, the band was rocking, and everyone on stage looked nice! This is what it's about! When Africa dropped the mic, I watched closely to see what she would do. How would she handle a mistake onstage, on TV, in life? Pick it up and keep going!

In the midst of the show, I looked down at my phone to see Alex texting me. She wanted me to come to the back. I didn't know what I should do, but I felt like it was time to get some clarity in our friendship. As I walked down the steps, I didn't know what to expect. I was surprised to see her in a limo, with flowers and champagne. . .she looked nice. I love a confident woman who knows what she wants, and during our last conversation she seemed very sincere. This made my decision tough, but it was the perfect time for me to make a grown man decision.

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This is a young lady who is pouring everything out to me. I didn't know what to believe because she likes to play games, but when she looked at me, she seemed very sincere. I wanted to let Alex know that I appreciated her efforts, and what she did was flattering. However, I gave my word to Africa. Even though Africa and I are just friends, I didn't want to see tears run down her face again. I knew this would destroy her. The last time I hurt her, it was a grey area for me. This time, I knew exactly how she would feel if I did this tonight. But as the man that I am, when I give my word, I mean it. So I had to respectfully decline.

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I've learned so much about myself while watching the show. Even though you are honest and upfront with someone, they can change their feelings at any moment because they haven’t experienced those feelings in 3D. I was confronted with another inner battle: Jevon doing the right thing, versus Vawn being single and doing what he wants to do. I do have that right, but once you hear your friend's pain, it's time to step up and make better choices. Man, I knew Alex was upset and I felt bad, but Africa is worth more than just one night. I had to put my friend's feelings in front of my lust. I was thinking about the future, and building our friendship.

I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to grow in front of the world. I am not perfect, and I don't claim to be. I have been hurt before, and I've hurt before. When it comes to relationships, it's hard to figure out the right thing to do, but I’m glad that the world got to see some of my good, bad, and my controversial actions. . .I hope someone learned from those actions, as I did.

I thank you for all of your Tweets and your messages on Instagram. Without your commentary, none of this would be possible. Your opinions (good and bad) give me more information to grow and expand my mind, and material for my new book! I can't make everyone happy. What I will strive to do, is make sure that I make a difference by being honest about what I am, who I am and what I will become. You didn't get to the know the real Vawn on the show, but over time I hope you will get to know more about me and my intentions. I'm learning and growing everyday. It's all for a better Jevon!

One person, who shall remain unnamed, hugged and cried on my shoulder, and wrote me letters that said that my book changed her life. She told me that she tried to kill herself after a bad breakup. She read my book and it rejuvenated her love for life, and love for herself. Baby girl, you are never alone! God will always love you and don't ever let anyone say that you're not worth life, and you're not beautiful because you are! Smiles and hugs for you!

I will miss you all, and I will miss my cast-mates! Until Season 2. . .

God Bless!