David's 'Twilight'-esque Complexion

Welcome to the valley! I promise it is every bit as exciting as you would imagine!

Well, we went straight through the meat and bit right into the bone with this premiere! You saw me as a fat kid, then fast forward and I'm 40 pounds lighter, spray-tanning my mostly-naked body on national TV. I then shared all about my cosmetic procedures in a level of detail I haven't shared publicly before. And wow, telling people, it's like a bomb went off! I'll admit, it's not something most programmers in the valley do, but the truth is, I really think it's NFBD (no f-cking bid deal). It's not something a person should be ashamed of. Moreover, one of my favorite books, The Happiness Hypothesis, reveals that scientific studies show that people who have had plastic surgery tend to be happier than those who don't -- that's real data, y'all! Also, my start-up is making a consumer-facing app that's focused on personal goals like weight loss and quitting smoking, so it certainly doesn't hurt to invest in my own appearance. Even with all that said, the truth is that plastic surgery in Silicon Valley is not as dramatic as ::cough:: other places ::cough:: and most people didn't even know I had anything done. Some still don't believe me when I tell them, LOL. So deal with it, y'all! I'm wearing my face as proudly as Joan Rivers till my death bed.

Well, beyond sharing a LOT about my body, I also shared that I'm broke. And that's no joke. (Who wants want me rap that? LOL!) Honestly I’d be willing to wager that I have less cash on hand than every one of my friends by a few orders of magnitude. Sarah said her tweets are worth $10k a pop -- I'd say my tweets are worth about 5 lumps of coal, maybe 6 if I'm lucky! The truth is, as long as I have enough money to stay in my house with my partner, Dave, that's all I will need. I do have to mention that my mom just sent an email that ended in, "PS, Do you need any money? - Mom". LOL, well I haven't taken money from her before as an adult, so I'm not about to start now! Nevertheless, I hope I didn't give her a heart attack!

Beyond all my personal…issues, I was glad to share with the world the very unique relationship I have with Sarah, who is, to say the least, a one-of-a-kind woman! The truth is, I do spend a lot of time programming most days (8-12 hours), and even though I get out and exercise, I happen to be <sarcasm>gifted</sarcasm> with a complexion that rivals what you might see in a Twilight movie, so as much as I don't identify as someone who tans on a regular basis, Sarah always manages to convince me to do something a little out-of-the-ordinary to get me out of my programming daze.If you stayed watching until the very last minute, you got a glimpse of what's to come later this season, and yes, there is a LOT of drama. A lot. Drinks flying, people calling each other nasty names, and yes, accusations of physical assault (OMG). I honestly enjoy drama a lot more when I'm NOT in it, so I've tried to stay on the sidelines and help where I can to keep people from clawing each other’s' eyeballs out. Did I succeed in that attempt? You'll have to watch to find out!

Keep watching Start-Ups: Silicon Valley Monday nights at 10/9c on Bravo! Also, feel free to check out my app, follow me (Facebook, Twitter), or book me for speaking engagements by emailing the address listed at the bottom of my website!

Cheers,
Dave