Quotable Ever After | Bethenny Ever After Photos

Bethenny: I want it in writing, like if I croak how long do you have to mourn and be miserable and walk around wearing all black and crying with like black holes and cavities around your eyeballs before

Jason: How long would you want me to do that?

Bethenny: Look at you I'm already dead and you're so excited. You're already dating some blonde young f**kin' loser who's 23 years old in like a pink cardigan.

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Bethenny on buying a bra: It's time. It's time to leash the hounds.

Close runner-up -- Bethenny: You have like booby-dysmorphia

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Bethenny: I'm sure that I could climb the pyramids in a shorter period of time than it took me, Jason, the baby, and a shit sandwich to get to Pennsylvania

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Bethenny: I'm suddenly feeling like Jodie Foster in The Accused

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Bethenny: I'm kind of grossed out by myself.

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Bethenny: Part of the reason we want to keep Gina is because it's a very unique household, and I would prefer not to be sued.

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Bethenny: Bryn will be in college when Gina leaves. Bryn will probably be the one who fires Gina.

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Jason always has time for a little girl talk.

Even though Bethenny called Nick "creepy," he's still willing to share a red pepper with Bryn.

Bethenny: What's gonna happen? I'm coming out of my bedroom and Bryn's at the stove making conch fritters?

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Jake: I think that's for the pastor's wife, and if she could have a little hot pocket to cover her vagina, she's all set. What's next? That'll be good for the organist.

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The preacher meets Jason and "Brittany."

Don't let that casual denim shirt fool you, B is ready to party.

Things escalated at the club pretty quickly.

Jake's on a man-hunt, with Bethenny's approval thankfully.

The Brooklynites came in for the affair of course!

As did Ramona! Turtle time?

Instead of going with a mass of candles, it appears Shawn went for major pyrotechnics.

Practicing her very terrifying sounding "Death Spiral" with Ethan.

Bethenny: I'll be doing "batheezs" with Bryn when she's 12. And then I'll be arrested.

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It's time for Jason to move beyond the '90s jeans phase of his life.

Gina on the other hand has some harsh words for the judges.

Getting back out of the house proves to be a little more difficult than B planned for.

Bethenny on the Malibu House: It does look like Sleeping With the Enemy. A place where I could obsessively line up towels and then kill my spouse, but it looks really relaxing as well.

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Duh, Cookie is more problematic than Bryn.

"What's a Blu-ray?"

Bethenny didn't break anything. There's nothing to see here.

Look at what a pro she's become.

Bethenny: It's turned into the traveling circus, we've got the tallest man, the Tibetan nanny, the human dog, the baby, Jason, me. . . . I mean what a s—tshow.

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Bethenny: It's turned into the traveling circus, we've got the tallest man, the Tibetan nanny, the human dog, the baby, Jason, me...I mean what a s—tshow.

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The Hoppys await the arrival of the SkinnyGirl bus tour.

Seriously Julie, Jason wants to know how you really feel.

Eureka!

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