Hootie Who?

Hello my little bacon bits (You're welcome, "Caulder.") This week's episode was quite a doozy. There were several hilarious moments, which I will point out later, and what I think was kind of a shocking elimination.

First things first: what I think was the most exciting Quickfire maybe ever. Honestly, at first I was kind of confused with the whole calling each other's bluff thing, but when I finally understood I literally was on the edge of my seat. Although I'm sure they all have excellent palates, I'm also guessing they figured out what kind of sauce it was and knew what ingredients go into that sauce and named them (or they should have). Was I the only one that thought it was kinda hot when Stefan and Hosea knew eight plus ingredients? And not like "salt" and "pepper," but the hard ones? I know -- I have problems. And to "michelle" who suggested I hate Stefan because I never mention him, I think I actually overcompensate for my adoration for him by not mentioning him at all! Stefan and Fabio are my faves and I think they balance each other out nicely.

I loved this Quickfire so much that I think we're going to try to get more video of the next season's chefs doing a simliar March Madness-style taste test for the Web. Would you guys watch? Onto the Elimination Challenge, which I thought was really cute in that the chefs had to create dishes for Gail's bridal shower in the themes of "something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue." Sometimes these challenges are so frustrating to watch for me as a writer. All day my fellow editors and I have to think of fun play on words for the site to engage you guys. So when presented with having to make something "blue," we were all yelling at the TV. Um blueberries?! (Sorry Tom -- I think they're blue enough) Chicken cordon bleu? Food that you eat when you're blue? (upscale comfort food). I gotta say sometimes I'm shocked at how unimaginative the chefs are. I think one of the members of Team Old (Hosea maybe) mentioned the fun play on words of heirloom and old. But then every other time the team members tried to justify using the heirloom tomatoes they kept mentioning the old seed and old vine and not the play on words!!! Half of me thought they didn't get the relationship between old and "heirloom," but I will give them the benefit of the doubt ... sort of. So yeah, Team Blue totally should have done a meat, perhaps duck, with greens and a blueberry sauce. And since I have no idea wht I"m talking about, they should definitely heed my advice.

The New team confused the hell out of me. Sushi is new? Cooked sushi is new? Wrong on both accounts. What they wanted to create actually sounded like a roll I mentioned in last season's Team Top Chef Blog, the Dinosaur BBQ roll served up at Cali Rollin' in Rochester,NY (I'm not obsessed with the city I swear), but basically is a tempura roll with Dinosaur BBQ sauce on it. It's delicious ... and has been done for years. When Gene so adamantly told Stefan "It's a deconstructed sushi roll," I got really annoyed. If I saw seaweed paper on my plate and wasn't told what to do with it, i'd be totally grossed out, especially because i don't like seaweed, UNLESS someone rolls it up for me. What's that called again? Oh yes -- sushi! Really any one of those chefs could have gone home. Gene for masterminding the debacle. Carla, lovable Carla, for not speaking up. Or Danny for going along with it all so enthusiastically. I had a special place in my heart for Danny being from Long Island, but he really bugged me this week. So much for Strong Island. And then there was Team Borrowed. Honestly I don't know that Ariane should have necessarily won this week, but based on what the judges saw they made the right decision. And if we were giving points on attitude alone, then I would give it to Radhika. I was really unimpressed with Jamie's and Ariane's attitudes. Jamie's soreness aside, Ariane seemed so intimidated by Jamie in the kitchen, which really turned me off.

OK, onto the things that literally had me in stitches:

1. Danny's use of the world "splooge". I don't know about you but I don't want Danny's splooge or spluge anywhere on or around my dish!

2. Danny asking to try the sorbet in Whole Foods. I didn't realize till later in the episode that this may have helped with the preparation of the yuzu sorbet in his dish, but I literally thought he was just stopping for a snack. We didn't show it, but he stopped by the loose candy section right after. (OK -- that's not true; there's no loose candy section in Whole Foods.)

3. Carla's mating call: "Hootie Hoo." Not only was this just funny on its own, but Carla's detailed explanation of it cracked me up. In case you thought this was a one-part call you are wrong. It's two-part. I know that now. Carla told me.

4. Carla's reaction to Stefan's advances on Jamie. Don't get me started on this. I will say, Stefan is quite the flirt, and this whole scene didn't surprise me one bit. I'm glad Jamie stayed strong. 5. Carla again! "Are pickles new?" in response to Danny's suggestion of using pickles in their dish.

6. Fabio's wedding pictures. OK -- they wren't funny at all. They were FREAKIN' ADORABLE! I think that's it for this week. Let me know if I'm mistaken on anything or forgot something important. Until next week when we get a visit from Martha Stewart!!!

- Monica A. Reyhani