Aviva on the Game of Sonjas

"Can I be honest with you?"
"That looks really nice, but . . ."
"I love how you don't care what anyone thinks."
"You have the most beautiful face!"
"Now don't take this the wrong way . . ."
"You're lucky; I could never get away with wearing that."
"Those shoes look so comfortable!"

OK, when you hear any of those . . . watch out. Something bad is coming. And you know it.

What they say.

What they mean.

Can I be honest with you?

I'm going to tell you what’s wrong with you.

That looks really nice, but . . .

That looks awful.

I love how you don’t care what anyone thinks.

Everyone thinks you’re awful.

You have the most beautiful face.

You're fat.

Now don't take this the wrong way . . .

I'm going to tear you apart.

You're lucky; I could never get away with wearing that.

You look like a slut.

Those shoes look so comfortable.

Those shoes are uggggggggly!

Etc. I think of these civilized bombs as "Housewife Compliments." We shower each other with compliments and concern, hiding the sharpened claws. But baby those claws do come out. Our gossip and ridicule is mostly cloaked in concern -- "Can I be honest with you?" Careful.

Sometimes I think we're like those rats the villain talked about in the last Bond film. You throw them into a barrel and they eventually eat each other. Too harsh? You're right. Sorry. We're more like butterflies.

Killer butterflies.

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In this week's episode Sonja was getting a lot of "concern" among the whispers that she was in denial and the schadenfreude that seems to be part of the Housewives uniform as much as botoxed and lasered skin. Face it, Sonja was getting beaten up. Wait a minute -- Sonja. Really? Sonja is the nicest of us all -– the first one to say a nice thing, the last one to be catty. She's kooky, out there, and generous to a fault. She's compassionate, smart, funny --– no she's more than that -– witty, sexy, quirky -– the full package. She's always the one helping the underdog, whether that "dog" is a person or an actual dog. There's not a mean bone in her body. She shows her resilience in even the most difficult times. This episode fanned rumors about her financial difficulties and saw her bearing up to the sadness of being stood up on a date -– yet there she was the next day treating us all to a posh spa (marred only by a tiny splashing tiff between Ramona and Kristen –- I call it Watergate). While I didn't join in on the Sonja bashing -- or the Sonja concerning -- I wish I'd stood up for her more.

Sonja trusts in the world, and I think we should trust her. And if you want to be her friend, take a lesson from Sonja -- just be there. Sonja doesn't need friends to help face up to whatever they think she has to face, she needs friends to play with. We all do. She's fine, girls. Take another glass of her champagne and leave her the f--- alone. As Sonja says, "My feeling is that every second of life should be as fabulous as possible." Amen!