A Scary, Dramatic Turn

I have no clue about the technical difference between a cook and a chef, nor do I really care. I've said repeatedly in past Top Chef blogs that if I ever went on that show, I'd be sent home the first week. I don't have great knife skills, I'm not making Coq au Vin on a regular basis, and a French-trained Michelin chef I am not. I leave that to my friends like Bobby Flay who really know what they're doing. That said, I know how to make healthy food taste delicious. My books Naturally Thin and Skinnygirl Dish are filled with easy, quick, delicious, healthy recipes. I went to culinary school but not Le Cordon Bleu. I went to school for food and healing to make healthy food more accessible to all.

I'm not nearly half as concerned or preoccupied about my credibility or skills as a chef as Kelly is. I find that rather disturbing.

I have to be honest. I felt for a few years now that I was seeing something in Kelly that I couldn't believe others couldn't see. I grew up in an insane asylum, so I can sense when someone is unstable from the beginning. I have seen signs of Kelly's erratic behavior for years now, and of course there was the domestic violence charge with her ex boyfriend. Things like that just don't happen to people. A large part of me feels sorry for her and sincerely thinks she should not be participating in a reality show environment. I don't think she can resist the temptation of the attention it brings regardless of the fact that it may not be good for her. Reality television is very stressful under the most normal circumstances.

For a brief period, it was the most eventful dinner party I've ever hosted, however, it took a scary, dramatic turn and we wanted to diffuse the situation. I realized that I needed to reel it in because this wasn't normal or healthy for anyone. Truth be told, what aired was very tame compared to what actually happened. I think that to air the full scope of it would terrify the viewers. We were truly terrified ourselves, and I must point out that none of us came home from that trip and told anyone about what went on there. We understood how serious it was and we were all scared. That night when I went to bed, I was legitimately scared for my safety as well as Kelly's. I know Alex felt the same. It was a completely horrendous trip and experience. That is the God's honest truth.

I have never mentioned kelly's family in the press and there is no evidence to that effect. Kelly had a legal issue going on with her ex boyfriend and certainly generated a great deal of press on her own. This compounded with the "I'm up here" scene didn't do her any favors. As I said, I don't believe that Kelly understands what is happening around her. She creates her own reality.

Sonja was the first person to say out loud that there is something wrong with Kelly. I suppose I knew that intellectually, but I didn't understand the severity. Once the light bulb went off, we all calmed it down. It wasn't funny and my one liners were no longer appropriate nor helpful. We had entered a different place.

I also need to point out that I called Jill that night to tell her that Kelly was in trouble. She didn't seem very concerned, and as you will see next week, she was more consumed by her own agenda than Kelly's health. That is a whole separate issue.

Jill came to St. John because she wanted a grand entrance and to ensure that she wasn't absent in three episodes. Her excuse that she came to see me was laughable. St. John is very difficult to get to and I literally lived a block away from her. Stopping by my building would have been infinitely easier. You all know the real story there. ‪

I would discuss my new baby girl aka the chick pea, but I would rather do it in a different forum. The details of this episode are so psychotic that I don't even want her mixed in with that negative energy. Just know that I thank you for all of your positive emails, love and advice. I have truly incredible fans. I am so grateful for that and I've learned a lot about life, friendships and now motherhood from you.