It's All About Respect

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I told you all that during this season, I would keep my blogs honest and let you know what was going on in my head during each episode, and that is exactly what I am doing. Do I think about this stuff every day? HELL NO! I am WAY too busy for that, and I am working on WAY more important things than this petty drama. HOWEVER, we are airing right now, and I know our fans deserve a clear picture, so I'm trying not to sugar coat anything. For those of you that actually believe Teresa has moved on and isn't still spewing venom to all of our mutual friends and family about all of us to this very day, I have some ocean-front property in Arizona to sell to you. It hasn't ended, although I wish it would. I know, I know...The show airing and these blogs do not help. So be it. The story will still be told.

I have to begin this blog by addressing some of the comments in Teresa's last blog. First of all, Teresa claims that the conversation she had with her brother was only meant for the two of them, yet she felt it was OK to tell me, Kim D. and others. Why does Teresa feel like she can tell anyone she wants about her fears regarding Melissa, but her brother can't discuss them with anybody? People discuss things with others when they are hurt. Especially with their spouse. It isn't like Teresa didn't hint at that "gold digger" topic before on the show LAST season. I think Melissa's problem with it was that this came out of Teresa’s mouth AFTER she told Melissa she loved her and wanted to be a family again. Melissa thought they were to a better place now, so when that message was delivered it was a little shocking. GET IT? Is she trying to say that she still doesn't feel the same way now? Clearly she does.

My other BIG issue with her spinster blog was that Teresa said that she wished that we wouldn't bring up her legal issues on camera. IS SHE SERIOUS? WE DIDN'T! SHE DID! Go back and watch all the past episodes. Teresa and Joe are the ones bringing up all of their issues on camera FIRST. We are just responding to them. Wasn't it Joe and Teresa that told Chris and I, ON CAMERA , last season about Joe's DUI? Wasn't it Teresa filming at her attorney's office talking about her bankruptcy and auction, ON CAMERA? Or Teresa with me in the park, ON CAMERA? Wasn't it Teresa and Joe this season, ON CAMERA, at their shore house bringing up an article that SHE put out there about Joe cheating, "going away," and her brother not being there for her. (That Teresa exposed of her brother, ON CAMERA?)  Wasn't it Teresa that exposed the cheating texts she saw from her brother to her husband, ON CAMERA? She exposes herself! She actually tried to expose her brother for something he never meant for her to see. Ironically, it was Joe Giudice that brought out a negative article about Joe Gorga in the paper, trying desperately to expose him ON CAMERA? So who is trying to expose who? Nobody exposed her legal issues but herself, yet we are guilty of saying the word "jail" instead of going away. I'm sorry if my using that word offended her so much. I get it now.

I think it's obvious that Teresa does go home and tells everything to her spouse, because why would Joe have such animosity toward her family when he hardly ever sees them? Teresa must be telling him something. It goes both ways, and you know what? That is NORMAL! I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Why lie about it? I tell my spouse everything too. He's my best friend. If I am hurting over something or someone, I go to my husband, my rock, for advice and support. I don't get the denial and blame shifting.

Ashley, I don't know who this tough love is tougher on, you or me, but just know that we love you, miss you, support you, and believe in you ALWAYS! Keep going after your dreams! XOXO!

Caroline, I love the way Albert still looks at you after all the years you've been together despite anything the two of you have ever gone through, the good and the bad. You have a lasting love. A real love. Loved hearing your love story unfold on the show. Enjoy your time together now that the kids are all grown up. You've done a great job. This is your time now. By the way, your new car is BEAUTIFUL, you lucky girl!

Kathy, I see you as a kind hearted peacekeeper who may get fed up sometimes but you just keep hoping for a positive outcome. Hang in there. In time you just may get it. Families are a challenge at times. We are all dysfunctional. I'm sorry I didn't attend your pool party, but I didn't have a babysitter and there was no way I would come there with my kids who can't swim around a pool full of kids that do. I'm too paranoid. LOL! I also felt like your family needed that time alone together to connect again. I'm sorry if you were upset, and I hope all that delicious food did not go to waste.

Rich sure can be a smart ass at times, but since I have gotten to know him, I realize that he just has a sarcastic sense of humor and that he really has a good heart. I know he truly cares about Teresa and Joe and would never seriously wish any harm on them. I just hope others see that as well.

As much as Teresa has got on you to stop Rich from picking on her, I did learn that the insults shoot both ways. Although I didn't see as much humor on their end or any sort of glimpse of warm fuzzy feelings toward Rich as I saw at times that Rich had for them, like when he asked Joey to be there for his sister and to consider how she may be feeling or going through. I have heard Rich speak highly of them and express his concerns at times as well. Regardless, someone has to end that cycle to get to a better place. I know you want it.

Melissa, I know you try, I've seen it. I don't know how things went from Joe congratulating you on your performance at the BLK launch to calling you all of those horrible names behind your back while Teresa laughed about it with him.  I'm very confused. I saw you struggling not to speak your mind while you were hurting over Teresa's comments to your husband about you. You tried to hold back from saying anything just to keep the peace. Teresa already knew you knew about the comments, and I was told by someone that she was going to apologize to you about them. I felt like I was put on the spot when she asked me if you had mentioned it to me, even though Teresa had already told me first. I don't think you said anything horrible about Teresa to me. You just said that it hurt you and that you didn't understand it, but you were going to try to not mention it. You always respected my friendship with Teresa, and I really appreciated that. I'm sorry if I answered Teresa honestly, but I felt pressured in the moment and I wasn't sure at that point what I should do, so I just blurted it out. I'm all for communication, so I was hoping you both could talk it out and try to understand each other's point of view and then move on from it. She told me to come get you when I was at her car. I thought she wanted to end the nonsense. I feel horrible that it escalated the way it did. Just know that she loves your husband and that she just wishes things were the way they were before his life with you. I know it's not fair that she takes out a lot of her anger on you when she feels most upset at her brother. I know that you didn’t do anything horribly wrong to start this battle, but you hold your own when you need to. From what I understand, Teresa just wants to be back up on the pedestal where she felt your husband put her before he put you there as his wife. She sees the bond you have and she may not have the same bond with her husband, so she may resent the life you two have. She used to have her brother to herself, but now she has to share his time with you, your children, and your extended family. When Joey was single, he looked up to his sister and her life, and she liked that. He spent all his extra time with her. Once he got new obligations and responsibilities that come from having a family of his own, he had to prioritize his time. I think she became a little envious of his new lifestyle and that is where the competition started. I think she began to feel like he didn't need her anymore. But he does. I think you wanted a relationship with her, but she made it very difficult for you to enjoy her company, because you could sense her animosity toward you so it was hard to warm up to her. You also already had your own sisters to turn to, so you had your own support aside from Teresa where she only had her brother and you. I know she has done and said some horrible things to you that are difficult to forgive. I know at times you reacted to those things and the tit for tat cycle continued.

If Teresa ever decides to SINCERELY attempt to try again (notice I used the word sincerely) then open up your heart and embrace her like a sister and include her in your life as one. It may be possible that Teresa will never be able to move past this and she will continue to be a toxic force in your life and a wedge in your marriage forcing you to walk away. I hope that is not the case. You'll know.

Teresa, it brings back some painful memories to see you and your brother hurting over each other. I hated seeing that. I honestly and sincerely just wanted to fix you both so that my friend could be happy again. The truth is, I saw and still see you both hurting. I know your pain comes from your brother gaining a wife you resented, his kids, and his extended family as well as them joining the show. Things change when we grow up and get married. You can't expect to have your brother with you every day like he was before he got married. It doesn't mean that he loves you any less than he ever did. I will tell you what I've said to you so many times before during our talks, when you asked me for advice. If you ever want a good relationship with your brother, you have to respect his wife and his relationship with her first. Your brother has other obligations now besides his sister. He goes to bed with his wife every night. He made a commitment to God to be with her. I think you resent Melissa because you feel like she took your brother away from you. You don't have the same relationship with your husband, so it is hard for you to understand. You said it yourself, you always put your brother first before your husband, but when you marry, and your spouse should come first. Neither one of them should ever put you in between their battles. But it does happen. I can relate to you and Melissa, because I feel like Dina felt the same way about me once I came into the picture. She was hanging out with Chris all the time until I came around. He was always there for her in many ways. They were very close. When I came around, he dedicated a lot of his time to me and my daughter trying to get us to feel comfortable in our new environment. I think she secretly resented me because of that. I just wanted us all to be close, but I felt like she needed to respect me as his wife. You know of all people that I tried real hard with her, but I always felt like she was giving me little digs and I just couldn't put my finger on it to understand why until I really saw her angle from your perspective.

You're angry because you miss him and love him. You only have him as a brother while he has Melissa and her sisters. He now is obligated to divide his time. You need to understand that he really loves you and wants you in his life. What makes it more difficult is that your spouse has animosity toward your brother and you have animosity toward his wife, which in turn makes everyone have a problem with each other and then the vicious cycle continues. If you could just once understand where another person is coming from and open up your heart instead of trying to take each other down, you just might find the peace in your life that I know you crave. I hope you find peace one day. God knows, we are still seeking the same thing over here.

Jolene, First of all, I love you and I am proud to call you my friend and trainer because you are good at what you do! You are a good person and you have helped me feel better about myself in many ways. I think it took a lot of courage to put your struggles out there for everyone to see. I know it must be hard for you to watch the episode and then get all of the feedback from our fans. You were in a different place back then, and I'm proud to see how far you have come. Stay strong and true to yourself and your body. I pray for you that by putting your struggle out there that it holds you accountable for your words and your actions. I pray that people will be understanding and reach out to help give you the strength and encouragement you need to follow through with your recovery and in turn, you can help many others. Thank you for adding to my blog this week because although the workout scene was light hearted and comical, I do think this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed.  I love you and I believe in you. XOXO!A note from Jolene:

First, I want to thank Jacqueline for her unconditional support and encouraging me to submit on her blog my experience, strength, and hope. She TRULY is a beautiful and strong woman/mother/friend and I am grateful every day for her friendship.
 
Phew! Watching the show for the past two weeks has not been easy. I don't even recognize myself! But it is my truth and no matter how far down the scale I have gone, I can see how my experience will benefit others. Today I am rigorously honest about my disease, because I don't think living a life of sobriety should be kept a secret.
 
What you don’t see is that I helped Jacqueline and Teresa get in the best shape of their life after having kids. This was just was 5 minutes of the 7 hours of filming that was shot over those two weeks, and only 5 minutes of the 50 hours I trained them. I have been awarded Group Fitness Instructor of the Year in NJ, have hosted numerous national fitness DVDs, have many career accomplishments, and am a faithful wife, fabulous daughter, and friend.
 
This is a disease that has been in my family for generations, and I have watched people die from it. I used to judge my family members harshly for letting the bottle ruin their lives. I wish I could apologize for that. Being sick from this disease is the most challenging thing that has ever happened to me and the people who love me. I was so ashamed, and that shame kept me sick.
 
The disease of alcoholism is a brain disease and a physical allergy to alcohol. It shuts down the dopamine and prefrontal cortex in your brain so that you are in a continuous state of painful craving. I never thought it was a disease until I learned about it through my doctors and counselors. Pride is a character defect that kept me from seeking help. The American Medical Association states this is a disease -- progressive and fatal if not arrested. But I thought I knew better. So I got worse until with the support of my AMAZING husband, family, and friends (Jacqueline was a huge source to my getting help) I decided I couldn't do it on my own. This July, I will have one year of recovery.
 
I had to hit bottom in front of a national audience to see that (I am an alcoholic -- I do things big). As Joe Namath says in his open recovery of the same disease, "It's not how you fall down, it's how you get back up that counts." Today, I wear my sobriety as a badge of honor and I own it. It is God's plan for me and so I seek his wisdom, one day at a time.
 
Thank you to cast and producers of the Real Housewives of NJ for their support! Jacqueline, thank you, thank you, thank you for everything you do, for standing by me when I couldn't stand myself. PS I love you and will ALWAYS be here for you. You're a hottie!
 
 #sobrietyrules
 
XOXOXO

Jolene Matthews
Group Fitness Director, Personal Training Manager - Sky Club Fitness & Spa, Hoboken, NJ
Celebrity Personal Trainer/Fitness Model
www.jolenematthews.com