Moving On and Up

I'm not going to lie, I didn't watch the reunion episodes. But I didn't have to because I lived it. We filmed for seven hours and each episode is about forty-five minutes, so I'm going to guess they only showed the most dramatic parts where everyone is either screaming or crying, right?
I can tell you the whole thing was brutal. We filmed twelve hours the day before, I only got two hours of sleep, and then we filmed the reunion. I didn't go with an agenda. I didn't go in to attack anybody. I was pretty shocked that everyone else did.

It's weird that we filmed the Season 3 reunion after filming Season 4, not after Season 3 -- that's never been done before. As you saw in the finale, after months of heartache on both sides, my family and I were in a great place. We're still a work in progress, but I had no idea Melissa and Kathy would come to the reunion for Season 3 with guns blazing. They had made little lists of how I hurt them, they were throwing jabs at me all over the place. First I was confused, because it didn't make sense. In real life, we've gotten over all that tit-for-tat stuff, so I didn't know why they were bringing it up again. Second, I didn't see how it made sense for the Season 3 reunion when we all just made up. Why don't Melissa and Kathy want to show our family as happy and reunited for even one week? It makes me so sad.

It was clear pretty quickly that everyone was out for my blood. I don't know why. I really can't keep up with it anymore. One day Melissa is at my house for dinner, the next day she's saying we don't speak. Kathy and I made up, then when Andy asks her if we're good, she looks at Caroline to see what she's supposed to say. And Caroline, wow, Caroline, I don't even know where to begin on that one except to say that I really did think her head was going to start spinning around...
At the reunion, Caroline accused me of lying, and I accused her of the same thing. It's a she-said-she-said, so you're going to have to believe whomever you want to believe. I'm not perfect, but for Caroline to act like she always tells the truth is insane. Caroline is so good at making up fairy tales about her life, I think she's forgotten what she said yesterday.
And I'm as confused as the rest of you that Caroline is blaming any of her family issues on me. That came out of the blue for everyone, because it's just not true (but as I've said before, Caroline is really digging for something to be mad at me for, and she's got nothing.) I am not responsible for coming between her and Dina. I know a bit about why they aren't speaking right now, but it's not my business, and unlike Caroline, I don't believe it's my place to judge or to air their dirty laundry to the world.

More insanity: Caroline crying over me getting in between her and Dina (which you know is completely untrue) is me “hurting her parents.” What do you call what Caroline has done to get in between me and my family all season, including making up that garbage story about me telling her I didn't really want to reconcile with my brother. On what planet does she live? I have only one brother, and he means the world to me. I think we all get that. There is absolutely no reason I wouldn't want him back in my life. For Caroline to say that just to hurt him is so low. And my poor parents who don't have eleven children, but only have two, what does she think her butting in and winding up Melissa and Kathy when things were finally good with us is doing to MY parents? How dare she.But that's what Caroline does. She takes what SHE DOES and pretends other people are doing it to her. She has the gall to say my “indirect” comments about a stripper carwash were hurtful to her son. when a) they were about MY children and b) last I checked, they were all proud of that particular career path of Chris'. And then she spends thirty minutes bashing my ten-year-old daughter, screaming that Gia is “tragic”?

And still, I keep quiet about her grown, adult children. Out of respect for them and her and her parents. Respect she does not have for anyone else. Let's see, what other crazy things was Caroline spewing? (I'm pretty sure she did vomit pea soup in the bathroom during a break...) She sat there on the couch and rolled her eyes and kept talking about how unintelligent and crazy I am, then I'm a mastermind who “premeditated” doing her family harm and that everyone was just a “pawn” in my game. Which is it? I'm an evil genius or a bumbling idiot? I've got my head in the sand and I'm too stupid to even know what's going on my life or I'm controlling everyone else's? Make up your mind.

I know Caroline and Jacqueline obsess about things and people and revenge. (What sane person would be friends with Kim G? That's just ugly.) I think they watched 'The Real Housewives of New York' one too many times and tried just lifting storylines from that show for their lies about me. Their garbage about me trying to poison them against Melissa and Kathy and telling them not to film with them is pure Jill and Bethenny. But sorry, it's not true. I told them how upset and betrayed I felt that Melissa and Kathy joined the show behind my back, and I told them how worried I was that it was going to do to my family what it did to their family. I never told them not to film with anyone. You can't refuse to film with someone, that's part of the show and they know it (or else I promise you Dina would never have filmed with Danielle!). It's just stupid for them to make that up.
Family is everything to me. If my only brother was married to someone who didn't crave the spotlight, I know we'd all be a family like we always were. Before that christening -- the first time Joey and Melissa filmed the show -- my family had never, EVER been through any kind of drama even close to this. If I could go back in time, I would gladly give Melissa my spot on the first season so she could live out her dreams, and I would be happy to sit on the couch and cheer her on, with my happy, intact family around me.

I'm not even going to address all the ridiculous questions that only came my way about parts of my blog or things I said on the show. I know what I wrote and I know what I said. I stand by it all. Go back and read Melissa's blogs -- from the very first one -- and then read mine. You can decide who was mean to who.

I don't know how long I sat there on the couch while every one of them ganged up to push my buttons and make me react, but yes, I finally did react. I've always owned that. I don't attack, but I will react if you attack me. Maybe it's not the best way to be, but it's how I am. I want peace, I stay out of other people's business, but if you come at me, I am going to defend myself and my family.

I'm not used to having to defend myself -- I had no idea I was walking into a gang-up situation -- and I can only guess I looked wild and passionate on the show. (I did stay in my seat though -- aren't you proud of me?) I didn't meet with anyone beforehand to compare notes and bring little lists of things to fight about. The stuff being thrown around that room was crazy, and I just tried to keep up, but I'm guessing it was just as ugly to watch as it was to live through. I'm not proud of the times I yelled, but considering what I wanted to do, especially when they brought up my children, I'm proud of how I handled myself overall. It was not something I expected, not something I've ever been through before, and not something I'd want for anyone. Ask yourself how you would have reacted in that situation. I don't think I did too bad (you know you're in an ugly situation when Danielle is twittering that she feels your pain! Ouch!).Oh and one more thing, despite the ravings of a lunatic on Twitter (once again) I do not have anything to do with magazines writing bad stories about me or anyone else. If I did, you would see me quoted in those magazines, which you don't. But I would never do that because it's not my style. I'm too busy living my life to worry about other people who don't have a life. I don't have a “contract” with any magazine for cover stories -- that's just crazy, it doesn't even exist.

The one thing I haven't been able to talk openly about with you all is my legal situation, and I wasn't happy to be asked about it on the reunion. It's still an open case and anything I say about it could be twisted and used against me in court. My lawyer wasn't sitting there with me. I'd be insane to say anything about an open case. But believe me, the day this case is closed, I will answer any questions you have, because the truth is not even close to what's been reported. It's frustrating to not be able to defend myself or call out the lies, but I know the day will come when I can finally speak. Thank you all for being patient until then.

One thing you can see though is that even though people try to knock us down, Joe and I haven't sat around and felt sorry for ourselves. We didn't give up, we just dug in, we're working our butts off, and there is light at the end of the tunnel! You have all inspired me with your stories, and I hope we have inspired you a little too.
And thank you so much for your support! I saw all your sweet messages and emails and prayers and worry. Joe, the girls, my parents, and I are GREAT! Reality TV doesn't define me, big fat bullies who puff hot air because no one will listen to them don't phase me, rumors don't keep me up at night. I have my family, we all have our health, we live a very normal, happy life of Sunday school and dance lessons and birthdays and trips to Costco. I am moving on and up to amazing new things. Believe me, I am surrounded by true friends who would never even want to be on TV. I have the best, most inspiring fans in the world. And most importantly, God has me in the palm of His hand. With faith, you can get through anything!

Thank you all for supporting “Fabulicious!” It's available in bookstores, Target, on Amazon (http://amzn.to/n93wMh) and Barnes & Noble (http://bit.ly/nl4sXP). My third cookbook “Fabulicious: Fast & Fit” will be out in the Spring '12.

Until next season, keep in touch with me at my website www.teresagiudice.com, or follow me on Twitter (@Teresa_Giudice) and Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Teresa-Giudice/122688361577).
Love, love, love you all!


Tanti Baci,
Teresa xx