Brandi: Not a Good Time for My Phone to Die

The show begins with Lisa Rinna’s birthday party. I watched the show and having not even yet met Lisa R. at this point, I can honestly say I can't believe she is as old as she says. Lisa looks amazing for the second worst F-word in my book, Fifty (the first is Forty). Harry and Lisa R. seem to be genuinely in love and happy, and we also both think porn can be fun at times. Ha! It's nice watching Lisa R. and Yolanda being mothers. These beautiful, strong women are raising other beautiful, soon-to-be strong women.

I have a house filled with boys and can't imagine what it would be like to raise girls. Watching Yolanda with Bella, I feel I have a special connection with her, because like her, I too am a middle child with an older sister and a younger brother. We are not the firstborns, and we are not the babies. I feel, much like her, I am a bit of a rebel and don't like it when people try and tell me what to do. I’m sure Bella will find her fair share of trouble as she grows into a strong woman, but I also know she will come out on top in the end, because us middle children are built tough.

I see that Kyle’s family is gearing up for another vacation! Wow! I feel like they just got back from Tahoe, which must have been rigorous! Alas, this time they won't be taking a private plane as they have decided to get a private yacht! It’s hard raising kids in this town of entitlement, something I know firsthand, but as I always say, no one is allowed to say anything bad about my kids except for me and their father! So I will hold my tongue on how anyone else is raising their own children.

We also see very serious scenes with Kim and Yolanda dealing with serious illness. It is very touching watching then talk about how much they love and care for their families. First, Yolanda’s mother in Holland and then Kim taking in her ex-husband Monty. I applaud them both. Two very strong, fierce women taking care of loved ones in need.

Cut to my house where I’m having fun trying to decorate with my very good friend Adrienne. We have been friends for decades, and she always has my back. We were interrupted with a call from my attorney. I am really trying to find peace and happiness in my life, even when it comes to my ex husband. It’s been five long years since we split, and I would really like the fighting to just stop. Eddie decided after my second best-selling book Drinking and Dating was released, that he had overpaid me in child support and alimony over the past five years and would like to be reimbursed for the back payments--already spent on rent, food, and clothing to raise our children. Since I didn't have the cash lying around, he was happy to take it from my tiny retirement fund, a small $114k. I had no choice but to hire a lawyer to fight for my retirement. Although I’m not going to just roll over and let him take my retirement account, I’m also bummed that this fighting continues. One thousand a month in L.A. is kinda sad for a guy who can earn $300k a year only working part time. So, now you know.

Eileen is new to the group of women and knows Lisa R., whom I still at this time have not yet met. I see that Eileen won an Emmy for the soap that she was on, and I actually watched her on Days of Our Lives growing up and always “loved to hate her,” for breaking up Roman and Marlana. She said in her interviews she really liked attention, but then she also really didn't like attention. I’m confused. After all, she did join Housewives, a cult pop culture series that gets a lot of attention. Maybe she is confused or, much like the character she plays, has an evil twin somewhere with a more outgoing personality. Or maybe she was being a smartass like me.

I hadn't really stayed in touch with anyone from this group while I was away in NYC filming Celebrity Apprentice, other then Yolanda and Carlton, both of whom were very helpful to me during that time. Celebrity Apprentice, by the way, was fabulous, exhausting, a full-time job, and all-consuming. Sorry, friends. I’ll make it up to you!

While hiking with Kyle, she gave me the extra needed support to call Lisa V. The first call since the reunion, the reunion where she said she would forgive me. We all just want to get along.  So I took a breath and decided to call Lisa V. and just go for it and ask her about coming to my housewarming party. During the call, my cell battery went completely dead, right in the middle of an important part of our conversation. I quickly asked Kyle if I could borrow her phone to call Lisa V. back, because I didn't want Lisa V. to think I hung up on her. It was not a good time for my phone to die. I knew full well that Kyle's number would come up, which is irrelevant. I had nothing to hide. There was nothing devious at all. I was trying to make peace. It’s pretty normal to call someone back ASAP after a phone call is disconnected during a tense call. Sorry.

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So this week was me, yet again, trying to make amends with old friends that have now fallen out. 

Having said that, I take responsibility for my fair part in any fallout with a friend. However, "it takes two." I want to move forward, and I try, with Adrienne last week, which was successful, and with Lisa V. this week, which was not.

I admit I am not perfect. Yes, I was upset last season, and when I’m upset, I retaliate with not-so-nice comments. It’s a defense when I’m hurt. It’ s not always right or smart. But, you have to have been done wrong by someone you truly care about to become so emotional that you verbally retaliate in the first place.

It’s hard and frustrating to watch Lisa V. still playing the victim as though she never did a thing wrong. We were both hurt. Me from her actions, her from my reactions to her actions. I would like to move on, like Kyle and Lisa V. did. The past is the past, but while I ‘ve put it behind me, it did happen.

Let's sum this up, once and for all and then let it rest. I loved Todd and Lisa V. They were very important to me. Lisa asked me to have a sit down with the woman who was my husband’s mistress for three years, throughout my entire second pregnancy! This woman announced the affair on national TV, not to me, not to confess, not to apologize, but on Access Hollywood, for fame. That’s how I found out my old life had ended. So, with great reluctance for my new “good” friend, Lisa V., I threw myself on my sword and did it. It was hard. It was the first scene on Vanderpump Rules, the crossover. It was a onetime favor. Or it was supposed to be. You’ve all seen Lisa V. throwing that beautiful catered engagement party for that mistress at her house. Treating the mistress like family.  It happened a lot. A lot.

So, here’s my take or example or whatever: Do you think any of Princess Diana’s really “good” friends ever threw catered engagement parties at their big houses for Camilla Parker-Bowles?