Of Conscience and Consequences

This week we return to the tea party, where emotions ran high, loyalties were divided, and I floundered as I wondered if any support would come my way. . .

I expected too much. Even though you give others support, it is still impossible to assume that you will be rewarded with the same. I learned you can't expect loyalty to be reciprocated. Take heed. It was like rats deserting a sinking ship. I don't want anybody to "back me." If you believe I am right, and many had voiced the same doubts as I over the last year, then speak up. Don't do as I had mistakenly done, in defending Kyle against Brandi when I did not have an accurate picture of what had really transpired.

What did I learn from this humiliating experience, where I was insulted so publicly? I learned to pick my battles, and I realized that the person I was dealing with had greater battles of her own. Was my pride hurt? Yes, of course. Hearing Kyle confirm Taylor's accusations against me regarding my ego was very hurtful. But it was also enlightening, as previously I had no idea what had been said between the two of them.

Things quickly came to a climax with Camille exposing what Taylor had told us about her marriage. It was out of sheer frustration of being on this roller coaster. All of us had had mixed feelings and a plethora of emotions, always resulting in utter confusion. After listening to, supporting, and sometimes doubting, the stories of abuse Taylor had told us, she would then ask us to interact with this man that we had such confused and negative feelings towards. I could never reveal this. I didn't feel it was my prerogative to reveal this however. But suddenly it was out there, the explanation of why, certainly myself, had always given him a wide berth. I believe she was astounded at the fact that somebody finally said something. I felt for her, simple as that. I felt deep inside my gut that her stories of abuse were true, but other issues I doubted. I am so sorry that it took such devastating tragedy for the truth to be revealed.

I embraced her, confirming, much to Kyle's surprise, that it was time to start anew and erase all the negative feelings and many unanswered questions and extend a hand of support to somebody who desperately needed it.

I really believed at that time, whether or not, I was being manipulated, that her need to have me as a friend superseded all that I felt and would just continue to feed into her insecurities.

There we have it, a situation that can turn in the blink of an eye.

Taylor had invited me to Kennedy's birthday in Malibu. Even though we had resolved our differences, I declined. My own daughter needed to spend time with me planning her wedding. I still found it difficult to understand the magnitude of their five-year-old's daughter's birthday party, given their financial state,

Anyway on a lighter note, we got down to the task of choosing our invitations. We eventually agreed on this beautiful box, smaller than the one you saw, covered with white roses. Perfection! Pandy also brought the bridesmaid dresses. Things were beginning to come to fruition. Wooo-hoooooooo!

A very close friend of ours, who owns and created Planet Hollywood, had offered to host Jason and Pandora's bachelor and bachelorette parties. Jason had a wonderful weekend organized by our friend and the kids, so obviously Pandora was going to have the same. Pandora hardly knows Adrienne. Let me be very clear here -- nobody was remotely interested in where they went and what they did until I was going of course. Then at the last minute when I was cajoled by Pandora and Kyle to go, suddenly everything changed. But it had all been arranged! It was my daughter's choice with her Uncle Robert. She had spent many, many weekends there growing up. It was my daughter's weekend organized by her. It wasn't about supporting somebody's business. I would never get upset every time people ate in other restaurants in Beverly Hills!

At this point I am starting to get a little tired of constantly trying to navigate these troubled waters. It has been a difficult season.

I will live my life accordingly, striving to be kind, honest, and fair. If I falter, my conscience will deal with the consequences!

Love always,
Lisa