The Comfort Zone

Hello readers! I've missed all of you.

Alrighty, so before you write me off as the worst assistant on the planet, please hear me out.

Bethenny brought up a lot of valid points about my performance as her assistant. I haven't been meeting all of her expectations and with more things being added to her plate by the day, she needs to have the proper support system around her.

That being said, there are statements she made that don’t exactly sync up.

The conversation with Jason about condoms at the SkinnyGirl Party was taken way out of context. As inappropriate as it sounded, it didn't take place exactly how it was pitched. It was a "guys talking at a bar"-kind of situation, however, I understand it was the wrong thing to talk about. I hold Jason in extremely high regard and I would never intentionally do anything to demean that. I didn't mean to cross a line. I didn't know where the boundaries began and where they ended. My third day on the job Bethenny asked me the oldest girl I've had sex with. It seemed as if some days there there were boundaries and some days there were none

Bethenny made a very bold statement about my motives for wanting to become her assistant. She believes I wanted to be around for the attention and the "red carpet glitz." The way she spoke, you'd think I had been hanging with Cameron Diaz and Mark Wahlberg as a result of working for her. I can assure you, although Bethenny has risen in popularity substantially over the last few years, I didn't look towards her as the fast track to popularity.

As I've stated in previous blogs, I didn't even know who Bethenny was prior to joining her. I had never watched The Real Housewives of New York or know she was an author. I was an intern during the day who was waiting tables at night when I applied for this job. I would have scooped ice cream out of a truck if the opportunity met me. I stated in my first blog that that I was a hungry kid looking for a job, and those motives remain the same. I'm sorry that the impression Bethenny has of me is that I am lazy and unmotivated. No one has ever known me to be those things. I graduated from the most competitive, lauded, and sought after communications school in the country because I have a tireless work ethic. And I was the shortest college football player in the entirenation during my time at Syracuse University because I had the heart of a lion and an unmatchable level of motivation. But of course, Bethenny only has my performance under her guise to judge me by, and often times my work ethic was mistaken for uncertainty and confusion.

I can't begin to explain how out of my comfort zone I've been with every task I've performed. From picking thongs out of a drawer to building a crib, from purchasing her underwear to picking out her wardrobe, it's all been as foreign as learning Chinese. I want to reiterate that I'm not making excuses for my mistakes. I acknowledge that I haven't always been in top form.

I'm writing this to shed a different shade of light on the situation. I understand there is a lot of fixing to be done and even more uncertainty.

But one thing's for sure. . .Cookie still loves me!